Where Did My Joy Go?

Well hello there Monday! Many people have the misconception that a stay at home mom doesn't feel the miserable sting of Monday in the same way as the working world... they're wrong. Monday gives me the same cloud of doom as anyone else. I've been working on a system to keep the house from falling into disarray over the weekend, but nonetheless, there is still the hustle to catch up and get everyone back on schedule. 

My mood and my outlook on life have been sinking farther and farther down and I feel like I'm trying to fight my way through the daily grind. What happened to the younger version of me? The one who saw nothing but opportunity and fun. Am I slowly turning into the sour faced old lady that yells at children who are playing to loud? I sure hope not.

Over the last few weeks, longer if I'm being honest, I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I can't quite figure out where my joy has gone- or when it left. I am blessed beyond what I could ever have imagined and I've been given more than I could ever deserve, so where is my joy? I finally realized that I have been looking for it in all of the wrong place. There are many temporary fixes out there, but in time, they all fail. So where is joy hiding?

Luckily as a Christian, I know who to go to if I want my joy back; but it's not as easy as it sounds. If so, there would be a lot more Christians out there with joy. I wish I had the answer, but alas, this is my journey to find it. I know that it must start today with a perspective change. As I was reading on joy last night, I see that selfishness is one thing that will smother out joy faster than a lid on a candle. Bitterness, selfishness, and downright bad attitudes fuel the fire. So, my guess would be that the opposite should bring joy back. 

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalms 51:10)

This week I'm working on an attitude change. My husband hasn't taken my joy, my children haven't taken my joy, my finances, my circumstances and my lack of free time haven't taken my joy. I took it away myself; shewed it away like a stray dog. I want to live life more abundantly as is promised to me by the Lord and today I am praying that he shows me how to find it. My prayer is that you will find it too!

For starters, I'm off to have a warm cup of tea and maybe watch and episode of the Duggars.

<3,

Rachel